Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Bridal thoughts

We just finished watching Bride Wars and I have a thought about weddings today.
We lose focus the minute we become engaged, it becomes all about the wedding and not about the marriage anymore.
There was a quote in the movie "You will be spending more time coming up with your maid of honor than your groom". How sad is that?
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I guess that really hit home when I looked at a friend's facebook profile to see if she had posted any wedding/honeymoon photos already. My husband was the first to point out that little miss weddings was all about the wedding but not the groom. We all knew that she had been planning her special day since she was little as we all have but my observation is that she just slid in the first boy who came along. She updated her status to let us all know how happy she was to be getting married but poor groomie never was mentioned. Now that she had returned from her honeymoon she has updated the fact that she is married and her profile picture to one of her and a bridesmaid but clues of a groom have yet to be seen. She hasn't updated her name (I know not all people change their name) or posted any photos of him.
Have you seen friends do this as well?
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I am so sorry if I offended any of you with this post.
The information I spoke of was also gathered from conversations with some of her bridesmaids. I know that a relationship can only be judged by the people in it and not by what is posted to facebook. I also remember being asked what I was doing to prepare for our marriage and not just plan the wedding, there really is just so much to plan with a wedding.

14 comments:

Casey said...

I think I was probably on the other side. If I heard ONE MORE person tell me "I see you preparing for the wedding, but how are you preparing for the marriage?" I would have barfed! They didn't see the classes we were attending. They didn't see the conversations we had.

Maybe it's the same with the friend? Maybe you just don't see the other stuff?

Mrs. J L said...

I know exacty what you mean...alot of girls get married because of the illusion of the whole thing..I do have friends like that and sadly they are already divorced.

SLJ said...

I know a lot of people who acted just as you described. I just got married on April 18th and our wedding was the complete opposite. We wanted to keep it as simple as possible so that the focus remained on US, not just me, or anyone else. I didn't want to get caught up in who wants to get their hair done, make-up done, etc etc so WE planned it together every step of the way... Its the start of OUR life together after all.

I wish more brides would read your post and refocus their attention.

Dollface said...

Hmmm yeah I hear ya.... the groom is the most important part of the wedding!! I dont want anything but my hunnie... we can get married with no-one on a beach and still be happy!! xxoo

Sassy and Classy Southern Mrs. said...

I do see some people like this and I hate to say that I even have a friend that has done this exact same thing! It's really sad because what some brides don't realize is that your bridesmaid may not be by your side forever but your husband will be. :)

Mojito Maven said...

i'm going to have to agree with casey. i think people thought i was only 100% obsessed with the wedding and not the marriage, but the truth was that i HAD to be obsessed with the wedding because we were paying for our wedding ourselves when all i wanted to do was elope. It was really stressful. BUT that didn't mean that when it was just Mr. M and I we weren't focusing on 'us'. just like some people get annoyed when all people talk about is how "in love' they are, it's the same as people getting annoyed about someone talking about flower choices. no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and all relationships are different. just because it looks like it was all about the wedding and not the marriage to you doesn't make it true. people could have even thought that about you without you knowing. just keep and open mind and give her the benefit of the doubt and be her friend, if in fact, the marriage does not last.

Kristen said...

YES!! I have a friend who planned the most amazing wedding - too bad the groom was the biggest jerk ever. I think she just married the first guy who asked so she could get her party. And yes, sadly, they were divorced less than a year later.

I just watched my wedding video from 8 years ago the other day with my kids. Looking back the on the day, I hated my dress, our photographer was a joke and it was so stressful at times. I couldn't care less now - I just hope our kids pay attention to the giant grins on each of our faces. I was just thrilled to be his wife!

Becky said...

hmmmm...that is strange! I mean most brides post a pic of themselves and their groom...that is WEIRD!

Candace said...

I had a friend like that. She dreamed of a relationship/wedding/having a baby. Once those all happened, she got really depressed becuase the things she wanted she had, but the marriage isn't very stable. To make it worse, I heard her husband say once before they started dating that the next girl he dates, he will marry.
I feel so bad for marriages like these

Mrs. Newlywed said...

I never had a picture of Mr. Newlywed and I from our wedding as my Facebook picture. All the ones I use were of myself and my sorority sisters.

I didn't even post pictures from my wedding until weeks later...so there were none of Mr. Newlywed and I until almost a month and a half after my wedding.

Actually, I only ever had 2 pictures of us together as profile pictures.

Maybe she got the pictures from friends, and there were no good ones of them together. Maybe there is significance behind the picture of her and the bridesmaid.

I don't really think it is that big of a deal. I wouldn't read too much into it.

Mrs. Classic said...

I am so sorry if I offended any of you with this post.
The information I spoke of was also gathered from conversations with some of her bridesmaids. I know that a relationship can only be judged by the people in it and not by what is posted to facebook. I also remember being asked what I was doing to prepare for our marriage and not just plan the wedding, there really is just so much to plan with a wedding.

Suzette said...

I have to say I agree with you 100%! I went to school to be an event and wedding coordinator and from the "norm" it seems that women get caught up with the wedding event itself rather than the actual marriage. I can admit that I did this. As soon as I got engaged it was like a light went off - let's plan a party! Yes, we did planning for the marriage, but if I had it to do all over again, I probably would have saved my parent's $$$ and gotten married on a beach so that I could have spent my 6 months planning ever after... I look at my wedding pics and they make me so sad.. I do not have ONE good pic with my husband, I don't have any couple shots together other than the one at the reception which is on my blog header! Not the greatest! IT was all about me and not about us. So, I can agree with how messed up that is b/c I was one of those brides! Great advice! :)

*The final week of planning, I couldn't wait to get married, I just wanted to be married and i didn't care that the hurricane just ruined our honeymoon or the rain changed our receptionist destination. So, when it came down to it I was glad to be married to my man... But oh the headache I put him thru... And the rest of my family! :)
(sorry that was really long)

The Cape House said...

We are definitely wedding obsessed.
That is a bit weird that her profile pic has a bridesmaid instead of the groom. Not sure what to think. Sort of like this part in the movie:
-Do you want to confirm this with the grooms?
-No.

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